Let me ask you a question – when you’re planning on getting down and jiggy, either with a partner or you’ve got everything crossed for tonight’s date, how long to you take to prepare yourself for sex?
Do you send flirtatious messages or saucy pics? Do you find yourself fantasising the time away, drifting off at your desk to be interrupted by a colleague awkwardly having to pull you from your reverie? Damn it man, we were just getting to the good bit…
Do you feel the heat building, a slow smoulder at first, before taking hold into a burning fire of desire between your legs…?
Basically, you get really fucking horny in anticipation, yes? Your mind is focused on that orgasmic carrot dangling so tantalisingly close… You can almost…almost…taste it…
Now, let me ask you another question. When you want to get down and jiggy with yourself, how do you prepare?
Do you even prepare at all?
Is pleasuring yourself so not even on today’s list, let alone near the top?
Work. The kids. Cooking dinner. The gym. Packed lunches for tomorrow. All that takes precedence, right?
Well, no, not really.
Why the bloody hell don’t we take making love to ourselves as seriously and with as much consideration as we do with a lover?
Masturbation – taking the time to reconnect with our bodies and do something that feels amazing and just for us – can be a normal part of a healthy sexual relationship with yourself, if you want it to be.
If you don’t take the time to get your head in the right place, chances are you are never really going to be ‘in the mood’.
You deserve to tease and titillate yourself into a frenzy. Take 10 minutes out of the day to read an erotic short story – but don’t worry if you end up needing a little longer to go with the flow. Light a gorgeously smelling candle and draw the curtains. Close your eyes and take time out with you and your most intimate centres of pleasure.
Listen to your body. Learn what feels good, and what doesn’t. Do certain things feel better on different days? Do you prefer penetration or not? Have you become aquatinted with your G-Spot recently? You can play and explore in private, and with no pressure to ‘perform’ for someone else. If something isn’t working, move on to the next. Treat yourself to some toys to help you get what you’ve learnt you need. Sometimes we need to try things a few times before we get the hang of it (I can be like this when trying new toys for the first time – though I can honesty say that the Ruby Glow cut my O-time down by a THIRD first time round!).
And you know what? It may feel selfish. It may feel like the world will end if you don’t crack on with the chores. But I’ll let you into a secret – it isn’t, and it won’t. And you will probably feel refreshed and invigorated afterwards. Glowing, even. Mr L’Ace has commented on how much calmer and chilled I am when he comes home and I’ve treated myself to a mid-afternoon sabbatical avec la clit.
And, there is an even better bonus prize – you will want to do it more. You may find your sex drive increases, and this ‘me time’ becomes a vital part of your day/week. And this can then impact on sex with your partner too – you should be an expert in your own love-making by now, so time to share the goodies!