For many of us, our sex education was a hushed, embarrassing couple of hours at school dished out by a teacher who would actually far rather be removing their own eyeballs than talking to a group of randy teenagers. We are then left to wander through our sexual lives, learning as we go, lucky if we meet someone who helps us acknowledge who we really are and what we need to get off.
So for the curious out there, who feel they may be missing out on some sort of delightful sex which they just can’t quite put their finger on… blogger Screw Taboo has put together a brief A-Z of Adult Sex Education to help show you what’s out there. Very much aimed at newbie sexual explorers – don’t be scared!
Variety is the spice of life, and all that.
Anal Play aka Butt stuff
Anal play includes any stimulation of the anus and rectum, including anal sex, rimming (using the tongue to stimulate the anus) and using sex toys. Sticking things in your own or someone else’s butt can feel really good so there are tons of sex toy options like butt plugs, anal beads, dildos and vibrators.
A type of role play that involves playing an age different to one’s own. It is often sexual but not always. Common role plays include caregiver/baby and daddy/little girl although any combination of ages and roles is possible. Some people do not consider their age play to be role play, instead feeling they are expressing part of their core identity
The persistent inability to reach orgasm. It can be primary (the person has never had an orgasm) or secondary (the person has lost the ability to orgasm). For some people it only occurs in some situations (e.g. with a partner) but for others it happens in all situations. Treatments depend on the cause but include therapy, medication and lifestyle changes. Sometimes it resolves itself without treatment.
A range of methods to prevent sleepless nights and dirty nappies, either temporarily or permanently.
Consensual sexual practices that involve being bound or restrained. Ways to incorporate bondage into sex, include handcuffs, rope, bondage tape, spreader bars and cages.
A sex toy designed to provide erotic stimulation when inserted in the rectum. They are available in many shapes and sizes and sometimes vibrate. Many are shaped to provide stimulation to the prostate or back wall of the vagina.
BDSM An acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. A person who practices BDSM could enjoy any or all of these practices. Consent Freely and actively giving permission. The corner stone of every healthy relationship and sexual experience.
CBT aka Cock and Ball Torture
(Not to be confused with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or Compulsory Basic Training. Trust me.) The practice of applying pain to the cock and balls for sexual gratification. Pleasure can be direct for some masochistic practitioners but others derive pleasure from the erotic power play between them and the person inflicting the pain.
Dominance and submission
Erotic power exchange where one person takes on a dominant role and the other a submissive role. Some people switch roles with the same partner, with different partners or even within the scene.
Dildo A sex toy used to penetrate the vagina or anus. Often, but not always, phallic shaped. Usually a dildo does not vibrate. Dildos are available in a huge range of sizes and materials including body-safe materials like silicone, glass, wood and metal.
A thin rectangular piece of (usually) latex used to reduce the risk of STIs during oral-vaginal and oral-anal stimulation. They can also be made by cutting off the top and bottom of a condom and cutting along the length of the tube.
Repeated significant delay in experiencing ejaculation or the regularly inability to ejaculate despite a normal erection and wanting to. Some people only experience it in certain situations but others find it occurs in all situations. There can be physical and psychological causes. Treatments are determined by the cause but include therapy, medication, switching medication, and lifestyle changes.
Electrosex (aka E-Stim)
The use of electricity to stimulate nerves for erotic stimulation. Sensations range from pleasurable tingles to intense pain depending upon the levels and toys used. Violet wands, TENS, EMS and dedicated E-Stim devices are the most common methods. There are risks so always do your research and check your suitability for electro stimulation with your doctor. Erotica Literature and art designed to provoke sexual arousal.
The act of inserting a hand into the vagina or anus for sexual pleasure. Use lots of lube!
Fantasy/ Friends with Benefits
A casual sexual relationship in which friends choose to have sex without committing to a romantic relationship. Usually the friendship existed first and is more important than the sex, unlike with a fuck buddy relationship where the friendship is secondary to the sexual relationship.
G-spot aka Gräfenberg Spot
An erogenous area located approximately 2-3 inches inside the vaginal canal on the front wall that swells when aroused and can provide intense orgasms and lead to female ejaculation. Not every woman enjoys G-spot stimulation and it is possible some woman do not have a G-spot.
Sex involving two or more people. Single people or people in relationships may engage in group sex in private homes, at swingers parties and at sex clubs.
Hentai derives from the Japanese ‘hentai seiyoku’, which roughly translates as ‘sexual perversion’. In English, however, it is usually used to mean anime and manga with explicit sexual themes and images.
A type of sensation play in which ice cubes are rubbed across naked skin. More elaborate forms include making dildos out of ice. Caution must be taken if used on sensitive areas like the labia. Let the ice melt slightly to prevent a scenario akin to getting your tongue stuck on an ice lolly as a kid.
A BDSM activity in which a person is consensually hit by another. Implements such as floggers and paddles can be used, although others prefer to use their hands to spank or punch. This is potentially a very dangerous type of play so always do your research. The New England Leather Association have produced a brilliant booklet with safety advice. https://nelaonline.org/publications/safer-sex-booklet …
Japanese Rope Bondage (AKA Shibari)
The art and practice of using rope to tie, restrain or suspend. The ties are often intricate and beautiful. This is another potentially dangerous activity. For safety advice check out Esinem Shibari Classes. They have provided the safety section of their course free of charge. http://www.shibariclasses.com/p/shibari_1
Kegel Exercises (AKA Pelvic Floor Exercises)
Repeatedly relaxing and contracting the pelvic floor muscles to strengthen the muscle. Long term exercising can reduce urinary stress incontinence, give men stronger erections and intensify female orgasm.
Any unconventional sexual practice, although it is often synonymous with BDSM. What exactly is defined as kinky very much depends upon the person, time and place. I expect my grandmother’s definition of kinky sex would be very different to mine!
Not just a sex manual. This ancient Indian Hindu text, written by Vātsyāyana between 400 and 200 BC, is as much about the philosophy of love as it is about gymnastic sexual positions.
Freud originally proposed the term libido to include all energy created by survival and sexual instincts, but these days people usually use it to refer to the drive or desire for sexual activity. Loss or reduced libido is a common, but often distressing, experience for many people. It can be caused by many things such as depression, medication, hormonal changes and stress. If you are unhappy about a decrease in your libido, it is worth discussing it with your doctor as there may be solutions to improve the situation.
Quite possibly the greatest invention since sliced bread. Sexual lubricants can be water, silicone or oil based, or a “hybrid” (a combination of types). Lubricant can replace natural secretions for those who produce small amounts of their own but lube can make sex more comfortable for everyone. Reducing friction helps to prevent micro tears, which in turn helps to reduce infections. Anal-specific lubes tend to be thicker but you can also use the same lubricant as you would use for masturbation or partnered sex. Watch out for irritating ingredients such as parabens and glycerine.
Sexual self-stimulation. A fantastic way to get to know your own body and give yourself some well-deserved loving. Rub, grind, jerk, squeeze, use toys…. There are tons of masturbation styles and techniques so as long as you are considering your safety (that means not inserting things that really shouldn’t be inserted into any orifices) it’s ok!
The manipulation of soft tissue for therapeutic, relaxation or erotic purposes. Massage can be used as foreplay but remember it doesn’t always have to have a happy ending!
Stimulation of the nipples, and often the areolae, for sexual purposes. Kissing, licking, rubbing and biting are the most common types of stimulation but those with a penchant for pain might also enjoy twisting, nipple clamps and electro-stimulation.
Stimulation of the genital with the mouth or tongue. When it comes to good technique, the best techniques are the ones that work for you and your partner. Communication is the gateway to being an oral sex maestro.
A method of locating and observing pond life, even in an urban setting. With patience, a sense of humour and liberal use of the block button, you can find some amazing people for both casual sex and more committed relationships.
One Night Stand
A sexual encounter which is either expected to, or only lasts for, one night. Usually both (or all) involved are aware of this arrangement but occasionally one party is not honest about their intentions. One night stands can provide novelty, sexual enjoyment when single, and sexual experiences in addition to relationships (hopefully with their partner’s knowledge!)
A walnut-sized gland located just below the bladder in males. It secretes a milky fluid into the urethra at the point of ejaculation. Stimulation of the prostate with fingers, prostate toys (butt plugs, vibrators, strap-ons etc) or during receptive anal sex can be extremely pleasurable and can lead to orgasm.
Premature ejaculation is when a man ejaculated too quickly during sexual activity. It is the most commonly reported ejaculation problem. There can be physical and psychological causes such as prostate and thyroid problems, relationship issues and depression. Treatments are determined by the cause but include masturbating before sex, wearing an extra thick condom, therapy and medication. If you are experiencing premature ejaculation, speak to your GP
Queening (AKA Facesitting)
Sitting on, or hovering over, a partner’s face. It is often combined with fellatio, cunnilingus or anilingus. It can be a dominant act, but it isn’t necessarily. In 2014 it was banned from UK porn because it was deemed to be dangerous due to the potential risk of suffocation. LINK https://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2014/dec/05/uk-pornography-law-scientific-perspective-children-safety … Despite being banned from UK porn, it is still legal to do and Monty Python are still allowed to sing about it. LINK http://youtu.be/Dax_tnZRExc
Queef (AKA Fanny Fart)
The noisy expulsion of air from the vagina. It’s one of the many weird and wonderful noises our bodies make during sex and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Bursting into laughter might spoil the moment, but laughter is good for you.
A type of sex toy named after the resemblance to a certain burrow-dwelling mammal. Rabbits differ from other types of sex toys because they are able to provide both internal and external stimulation at the same time.
Relationship anarchy is both a relationship philosophy and an approach towards relationships. It is based upon the idea that relationship rules should be decided by the people involved rather than societal norms. Relationship anarchists believe love is abundant, so multiple loving relationships are possible and we do not need to value romantic relationships above platonic relationships.
Sadomasochism (AKA SM or S&M)
Pleasure derived from giving and/or receiving pain or humiliation. Those who enjoy being on the receiving end are called masochists and those who prefer to deal out the pain are called sadists. In the recent past, sadomasochism was considered a paraphilia but recently there has been a change of opinion and now consensual sadomasochism that does not cause the practitioner distress is no longer considered pathological.
Strap-On Sex (AKA Pegging)
Pegging usually refers to a female partner wearing a strap-on and penetrating their male partner, but anyone can enjoy strap-on sex. Females can use a strap-on to penetrate either their partner’s vagina or anus and males can use a strap-on for double penetration or instead of their own penis (making it a potential solution for men who experience erectile dysfunction).
Swinging (AKA Wife-Swapping)
A non-monogamous lifestyle and/or practice in which people have sex outside of established relationships. Both single people and people in relationships can be swingers. Swinging can happen in an infinite number of places and ways. Some of the most common include specific parties or clubs, regularly swinging with friends, and meeting partners from websites.
Talking Dirty (AKA Dirty Talk)
A different type of oral sex. Dirty talk involves using sexually explicit or suggestive language to arouse. It is such a versatile tool. It can be used as foreplay or during sex and distance is no issue. It works just as well whether you are lying next to each other in bed or thousands of miles away and talking on the phone or on webcam. Dirty talk can also be totally silent, using texts, email or instant messaging. Like with most things, dirty talk gets easier with practice. If you don’t have a clue where to start, try describing what you’d like your partner to do, telling them when they do something you like or reminiscing about past times you enjoyed.
Group sex involving three people. It can involve any configuration of genders and acts, and can either be a one-off experience or a regular arrangement.
Inserting penis plugs or sounds into the urethra. Urethral sounds are used in medicine to dilate the urethra, but they can also be used for sexual pleasure. Urethral sounding is not without risks so always do your homework. Start small (but not too small; you don’t want to pierce the urethral wall) and gradually increase the size of the sound. You’ll need to make sure your toys are sterile so choose surgical steel or silicone and boil them before use. You’ll also be needing sterile lubricant. It might seem excessive but without these precautions you are likely to end up with a UTI.
Sex toys that vibrate. They come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and materials and can be used by any gender. Some common types include rabbits, bullets, remote control eggs, and wands.
The external sex organs of a female. The vulva includes the labia minora (inner lips), labia majora (outer lips) and clitoris. People sometimes use the word vagina when they really mean vulva.
Watersports (AKA Piss Play)
Sexual activity involving urine. It’s probably more popular than you think. Channel 4’s Great British Sex Survey found it was the country’s ninth most popular fetish. LINK https://www.indy100.com/article/these-are-the-10-most-popular-sexual-fetishes-in-the-uk–W1ixasKcRx?utm_source=indy&utm_medium=top5&utm_campaign=i100 … Whether you want to try being watched while you urinate, wetting your pants or being peed on, make sure you are well hydrated to keep the smell and taste as inoffensive as possible.
In some countries an X rating was, or is, used for explicit films which are only intended to be viewed by adults. Informally, it is used to refer to pornographic films which are films aimed to cause sexual arousal.
An abbreviation used in the BDSM community. It stands for ‘Your kink is not my kink’ and is an expression intended to show an acceptance of another person’s sexual preferences, even if they differ from their own.
It is important to remember that your needs matter in sexual and romantic relationships. If your needs aren’t being met, talking to your partner might help you both find a way for that to change.
We don’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time. We can just unzip a zipper. Perfect for impatient people and quickies.
Written by Screw Taboo for Knicker Rocker Glory