I wrote this title in jest, though it is something I am very conscious of when speaking to someone about sex toys.
Anal play is usually seen as dirty, in all matters of the word, by many. As such, they would much rather discuss cannibalism than their love of anal probing. However, I am proud to say that bum play is my most often talked about subject (for some reason people find me easy to talk to – I take it as a good thing!).
This is because I will talk to you about how to use your toy of choice, and also importantly HOW NOT TO USE IT.
I will pass on a little bit of information almost as an afterthought, knowing that I may be saving someone from a rather embarrassing trip to A&E.
Take the Ignition bullet vibrator, for example. It is one of our best-selling products due to its discreet size, incredible power and purse-friendly price point (just £30 at time of writing).
People love the lightness of it, and the smooth metallic casing. And I can see the thought flit through their head as they eye it up. The small size and tapered tip, that would make for easy insertion…
So, as I rattle off the functional details such as the 10 vibration settings, waterproof-ness, recharge-ability, I will throw this in at the end.
Oh, and don’t stick this up your bum, because you’ll lose it.
This is often followed by a stunned second or two, but then always countered with the opening question.
And we are now free to chat about what makes a good anal toy without embarrassment. Because you haven’t directly asked me about anal toys; you are simply reacting to a fact I have passed on in conversation. And this conversation may lead to you asking me many more questions, and I will be delighted that you feel comfortable enough to do so. And then you will walk away knowing how to use your toy safely, whilst also empowered by the knowledge of what makes a good anal toy should you choose to experiment later on.
Every day is a school day!
THE BIOLOGY OF THE BUM HOLE
Above all, please remember that your bum hole is technically a sphincter – a ring of muscle whose job is to control the movement of things in and/or out. If it was loose and relaxed it would be pretty shit at its job (pun intended). Therefore warm it up with a finger, nice and slow, to convince it that it’s OK to relax. It is likely to take many sessions over a period of time to feel comfortable with insertion if you are new to this. There may be some days where it is just not happening due to many factors, including stress. Don’t force it, and don’t worry about it. It’s completely natural for a muscle to tense up under stress. The more relaxed and in control you feel, the better your anal experience will be. There are loads of nerve endings around your anal opening, which are capable of giving us great pleasure as well as discomfort. Listen to your body!
TODAY’S ANAL TOY LESSON
Look for a Tapered Tip –
This allows for a gentle and more comfortable insertion. Yes the Ignition bullet has this, but what it doesn’t have is…
An Anchor/Flared Base –
This is imperative. This is what stops your toy from disappearing up where the sun don’t shine. Because it will disappear up there if you aren’t careful.
Start small. You might not ever be comfortable with a penis, but may delight in a petite anal plug. Equally, you may find yourself naturally wanting to increase the girth or depth of penetration over time. And that’s totally cool as that’s what works for you.
Graduated Shape –
Many anal toys are graduated in size, allowing you to adjust at your own rate. Please don’t ever feel that you have to insert the whole of the toy in the first instance. Build up to it, take your time.
…And more lube, and then a little more for good measure. The rectum and anal opening don’t naturally lubricate like the vagina, so you need to help it out. Look for one with a thicker, sometimes called ‘gel’ texture. This works best for two reasons – firstly, the vagina is designed to take a pounding, but the delicate tissues of the anus are not. Take pity on it – give it some extra padding whilst you pay it extra attention. Secondly the biological job of the rectum is actually to ABSORB WATER. So, a thinner water-based lube is likely to dry out faster. Bulk it up with a thicker formula. If you are not using silicone anal toys then a blended lube with silicone is another good idea, as the silicone won’t be absorbed and will remain to keep things slick (don’t use silicone lube with silicone toys due to silicone’s self-healing properties – it will try to bond with the silicone on the surface of your toy and potentially damage it).
Be Clean (The Toy) –
After all, we are talking about the poo hole. Not only will the toy you are inserting want to be clean before it goes up, but you will need to clean it thoroughly afterwards. Hot soapy water should be fine; an antibacterial soap or specialist toy cleaner is another good option.
Be Clean (You) –
The very last thing you want to do is risk getting faeces anywhere near other parts of your body, including your genitals, mouth, eyes, nor indeed near those of your partner. Pick a hand, and use that hand to deal with the backdoor. Don’t use it for anything else, and make sure to clean up as soon as you are done. Cleaning yourself thoroughly before play and making sure you have recently emptied your bowels can also help. Some advocate the use of an anal douche.
Can and often will feel like you are having a poo. This is normal, and try not to freak out. Just relax and take it slowly. If you have orgasmed, it is likely your muscles will be contracted/contracting for a few moments afterwards.
Protect the Sheets –
A towel or waterproof sheet is always a mentally reassuring thing to have beneath you when indulging in anal play. This way, you don’t have to worry about all the lube getting everywhere or tiny amounts of poop or other bodily fluids ruining the sheets.