Ask a Sexpert – I want to wear two dildos with a harness, can you advise me on how to start?

Posted on 24/04/2017

Needless to say this was not my own idea yet the more I think about doing it for Him the more sexy it seems to me.


Trying something new at the suggestion of a sex partner can bring up a variety of feelings. It’s exhilarating to be adventurous together, but it’s normal to feel vulnerable if this is a game you’ll be taking the lead with and you’re not sure of the physical practicalities. Perhaps you’re worried about the risk that you won’t enjoy using the harness, potentially leaving your partner disappointed or with false expectations that it will become a regular part of your sex play that you don’t truly like.


When it comes to sex and sex play, negotiation is a crucial factor in establishing consent. It sounds like the communication in this relationship is open enough for your partner to express what he wants but I’m wondering whether you’ve felt able to talk about your reactions to his desires and what the idea of using the harness is raising for you. It can be valuable to have this conversation whether you are seeking reassurance, more detail about what he’d like and how he’d like it or to establish your boundaries.


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Talking about your sex play is also an extension of foreplay that can build the tension and erotic charge between you, so you may find that more open dialogue about using the harness will generate some extra enthusiasm for the idea. In essence, you’ll be creating and sharing this fantasy together. Plus, the best sexual connections involve an element of give and take, so I’m happy you’re saying that knowing you can please your partner is starting to turn you on. The key is to capitalise on that feeling and find ways for him to make this experience as arousing as possible for you, too, so that your pleasure is mutual, albeit for different reasons. Make sure he knows what you’d like from him physically and emotionally. You’ll own the experience together when you decide to make the fantasy real.


Having this kind of clarity means that you’ll feel readier to explore the options for your harness with KRG’s personal shopping service. Our Mistress of the Boudoir, Ruby l’Ace, is always keen to offer bespoke solutions to help you realise your individual desires (and I understand that she is currently in discussions with you regarding a bespoke leather harness). She’ll personally talk you through exactly how to get started so that all you have to do is surrender to the pleasure.


If this post has whet your appetite for more information, you’d like some tips on tantalising techniques or have a specific question about sex, love or relationships, drop me a line via our Ask a Sexpert service!


Have fun!


Rhian XOXO


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