As a Sex and Relationship Counsellor I actively encourage clients to nurture their fantasy worlds and give their brain a ‘sexual creativity work out’ as often as they like. Sexual fantasy floods the mind with ideas and images that boost arousal. You personally design and build scenarios and visions that get you going and you’re fully in control. Private ownership over your fantasies means you allow yourself to surrender to erotic pleasures that can strongly affirm your sexual identity. Sexual fantasy is fun, free and just like a Martini – it hits the spot anytime, any place, anywhere.
Having a rich, rewarding inner sexual repertoire allows you to explore experiences and situations you may never seek in reality or that you won’t have the chance to access. There may be good reasons for not wanting to act out all your fantasies in real life, especially when they’re incongruent with your sexual values or contravene boundaries you’d prefer not to cross. But you can learn lots about your sexual style and patterns of arousal when you examine the content and themes of your favourite go-to fantasies and discover valuable information that can enhance your real-life sex since you’ll have more understanding of what really makes you tick.
So is it helpful for partners to share sexual fantasies? While there’s always the risk that once your foibles are out in the open you’ll dilute their potency and move on to something new, I’m a big fan of sharing and here’s why:
Intimacy, Bonding and Trust
Opening up to each other brings sex partners closer and promotes trust. Sharing sexual fantasy requires vulnerability and courage while being receptive to your partner’s fantasy requires empathy and acceptance. You may have different tastes but being able to hold space for each other’s sexual authenticity is vitally important. Knowing you’re privy to each other’s private sexual worlds makes your connection feel special and deep, which is great for sex and other aspects of your relationship too – we fall back on our bonding when we need support or at times of stress.
Feeling that you really know and understand your sex partner can increase confidence and security in and out of the bedroom. Sharing your sexual fantasies can offer insight into hidden facets of each other’s personalities and characters, building a strong, supportive and rewarding connection. You’ll find yourself having more intuitive, mutually satisfying sex as a result.
Aural Arousal and Better Sexual Literacy
Let’s face it, talking about sex is pretty damn sexy. Sharing your own sexual fantasies can help you step into your sexual power and hearing your partner talk about their secret follies can really turn up the heat. Your partner’s voice, their sexy words and the sheer naughtiness and riskiness of it all is sexually super-charged. Developing sexual vocabulary and fluency encourages more demonstrative, vocal sex and breaks down inhibitions that get in the way of sexual expression.
Creativity in the Boudoir
Although much fantasy will remain in the fantasy realms, sharing the magic inside your mind with your sex partners can open up the possibilities for what’s actually going to happen between you. Creating and building fantasies together can be mutually exciting, encourages sexual negotiation and you’ll strive to find ways to grow and diversify your sex together. You may feel more inspired to try new things and less worried about your sexual inspiration not being well received.
Whether your sex partners are a permanent fixture in your life or a one night hook-up, you’ll tap into each other’s sexual prowess when you share sexual fantasies and won’t be able to keep your hands off each other.
If this post has whet your appetite for more information, you’d like some tips on tantalising techniques or have a specific question about sex, love or relationships, drop me a line via our Ask a Sexpert service!