Ask a Sexpert – What would be the best and safest way to get into the BDSM scene?

Posted on 02/05/2017

I do not know how to go about meeting people that are trustworthy and not someone on the internet who you never know what you might get yourself into. Any info would be helpful.

 

If you’re new to BDSM I completely understand why you feel daunted about dipping your toe in the water. It’s an area of sexual practice that has a reputation of being ‘mad, bad and dangerous to know’ yet it can offer great freedom and hedonistic pleasure. New experiences around boundary play and power dynamics can feel sexy and thrilling. If this is what gets you going, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t try a piece of the pie.

 

Oppressive influences from the ‘vanilla world’, especially the mainstream media, mean that BDSM still isn’t discussed as openly as it could be in real terms. I notice how judgemental people can be about others’ sexual preferences and how sexual stereotyping is still very much ingrained in our Western culture.

 

As you’re ready to explore the BDSM scene, I guess you’ve got some idea of what you’re seeking and how you’d like to experience it. When you look beyond the stereotypes there’s a wide range of BDSM practices and it’s about finding what suits your tastes, so there’s plenty of exploration to be done.

 

BDSM for beginners woman bond with shibari rope

 

If you’re curious about what’s really happening on the scene, there’s an active BDSM community on Reddit. You can also join FetLife, a popular social media platform for kinksters. To start with, set up an anonymous profile and enjoy a whole range of welcoming groups and discussion threads where you can be as active (or quiet) as you like. Sit back for a while to observe what goes on. You don’t have to send or accept friend requests but could start by using this online tool to get under the skin of the scene.

 

You’re right that safety is important when connecting with people – but that applies to any kind of liaison with someone new. In fact when you do meet others who are into the lifestyle, you may be relieved to see just how much like you they really are.

 

When you’re ready, you can attend a ‘Munch’ – an informal social gathering in a local bar or restaurant for the BDSM community. Newbies are always welcomed and you can safely ask questions without feeling pressured to interact. Communication and consent are key concepts in BDSM so this is a great way of meeting like-minded folk and gathering information without feeling overwhelmed.

 

This is an exciting time for you. You’ve got in touch with part of yourself that wants something new. Your identity is shifting and evolving and you’re hungry for a way forward. We’ve sent you a private message with details of an established Munch in your area – so why not drop the organisers a line and take your next step?

 

If this post has whet your appetite for more information, you’d like some tips on tantalising techniques or have a specific question about sex, love or relationships, drop me a line via our Ask a Sexpert service!

 

Have fun!

 

Rhian XOXO

 

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