…and it should be on prescription!
One of the first sexual taboos that most of us encounter relates to the shame of touching our bodies and genitals, especially when it’s for exploration or pleasure. Assertions from a child’s significant adults that touching themselves is unclean, unpleasant or forbidden become ingrained in the psyche early on. The urge to experience the sensations we can generate for ourselves becomes a secret matter often shrouded with guilt or confusion.
When I mention masturbation to clients in the therapy room, I’m usually met with tell-tale red faces and quivering voices of embarrassment. It’s not unusual for couples to have zero idea about each other’s masturbation patterns or preferences. It may even be a topic they’ve never dared to address for fear of judgement creeping in that could destabilise their relationship. For me, this can be a dead giveaway of limited sexual communication. I wonder if partners feel they must conceal who they really are sexually and what this means for their sex.
To feel silenced and inhibited about your fundamental needs dampens sexual expression. You have a right to explore, understand and define yourself as a sexual being – and masturbation is a great place to begin. It has incredible benefits for personal growth, physical health and emotional wellness. If I was a doctor, masturbation would be on prescription. Here’s why:
Your Sexual Creativity will Sky-Rocket
Going solo gives you maximum creative license. Set your mind free to explore your cheekiest desires and ultimate fantasies as deeply as you like. Make the most of this. Spend longer on yourself and vary your masturbation routines, allowing yourself to fully expand whatever gets you off. It’s liberating to know you’re not accountable to anyone except yourself.
Most people have learned to rush solo fun for fear of getting caught or interrupted. If this applies to you, it’s possible your creativity is stilted and you’re hyper-vigilant, ready to shut down. Letting go of this anxiety may take time, but the impact on your pleasure and the knock on effect on partnered sex will be worth it.
Self-Knowledge will Grow and Confidence will Blossom
The more we know and understand ourselves, the greater we’re motivated to get out there and claim what it is we want. This is true of any area in life, but it’s really important when it comes to sex. The more we water our garden, the more flowers will grow. An uncultivated lawn will become dry and arid.
Through masturbation you can discover what kind of touch hits your special spots, how much pressure your most delicate parts respond to, how deeply you like to penetrate or be penetrated (if that’s your thing) and what brings you to orgasm, when that’s what you’re seeking. When you know and understand your own cycle of arousal, you learn that fulfilment and satisfaction are not elusive.
That’s what makes a truly confident lover who’s unafraid to communicate what they want sexually. They strike the balance between giving and receiving based on everything they’ve learned through intimate connection with themselves. Sounds rather intense doesn’t it?
Your Body will Thank You
Joking apart, physically working out your love muscles is great exercise. I can’t guarantee how many calories you’ll burn but orgasm will naturally strengthen your pelvic floor and you’ll be creating muscular memory that will help your body enjoy it’s sexual flow with ease. Climax is also known to alleviate headaches and relieve muscular pain.
Masturbation is just like oiling and maintaining your Ferrari to be sure it will purr with optimum performance. Your vital organs will benefit from the raised heart rate and increased blood flow you’ll experience with self-pleasure too. Another reason to move on from the shame and wake up your nether regions right now.
You’ll Feel More Zen
When you masturbate, your bloodstream becomes flooded with beneficial, stress relieving neuro-chemicals. You’ll be distracted from the mundane worries and negativity weighing on your mind and catapulted into a cushion of well-being. This is perfect practice for anyone who finds anxious thinking gets in the way of sexual desire. The meditative discipline of regular masturbation demonstrates that you can easily transform the negative vibes created by troubled thoughts. Feeling peaceful and fabulous really is within your power.
You’ll Show Up More In Your Own Sexual World
When you’ve claimed your sexual identity and enjoy healthy sexual self-esteem, you’ll show up to be counted and more openly express who you are. Masturbation is a way of offering yourself the self-care and self-love you need to affirm your identity and become more comfortable in your own sexual skin. As a therapist, I see this as the affirmation we missed when our significant adults robbed us of our freedom to explore. Give yourself permission to follow feeling and enjoy pleasure on tap.
If this post has whet your appetite for more information, you’d like some tips on tantalising techniques or have a specific question about sex, love or relationships, drop me a line via our Ask a Sexpert service!